Will I Still Go To Heaven?

Ever since Cali has invited Jesus into her heart, one question has been plaguing her... "will I still go to Heaven?" Last night Greg and I went upstairs to put her to bed and found her hiding in the bonus room, crying. After coaxing her out of her safe spot, she looked at us and said, I was just asking God for forgiveness. I was so proud of her and the fact that she did this on her own. You see, the last few weeks have been some of deep thought and conversation in our household. I know I haven't written much here lately, but I'll try to lay out some of the coolest stuff I've ever witnessed as a parent...

When Cali began Kindergarten she received a devotion Bible from church. Greg had recently begun to do these devos with her at night before bed. One night, as he was putting Levi to bed, I had the privilege of walking her through Day 8. The topic was about living with Christ in your heart and the eternal life you receive when we believe in Him. As we began to talk about that she began to tear up and get sad. I asked her why she was upset and she told me that she didn't know if Jesus was in her heart. I asked her why that made her sad and she said, "because He's my best friend and I want to go to Heaven." Some deep thoughts for a 5 year old. I was witnessing her begin the purest and simplest connection to the Gospel and I knew that she understood it. Greg came down and we were able to lead our daughter in inviting Jesus into her heart. What an exciting moment, one I will never forget!

A few days later as I was tucking her into bed, she looked at me and with sorrow in her eyes said, "mommy, I made 2 bad choices since I invited Jesus into my heart." I asked her what she did and she talked about being mean to Levi. I giggled inside and then proceeded to explain to her that even though Jesus is in our hearts, we are not perfect because He is the only one who is. And the awesome part about having Jesus in your heart was the fact that when we make bad choices (sin) we can ask Him for forgiveness and He forgives us. But the coolest part is that He forgets it too! So it is like we never sinned. We got to discuss what that meant and how that happened (because Christ died on the cross so we didn't have to) and then she prayed for forgiveness.

Which leads me to last night... she knew she had sinned and then asked for forgiveness. But the most enlightening part to me about all that was her question to me after she said she had just been praying. She asked me through tears, "will I still go to Heaven?" She has been plagued with the thought that even though she asked Jesus into her heart, when she continues to make bad choices, she may not be saved. We talked about the fact that He never leaves us once He's there and that even though we still make bad choices, He will forgive us when we ask.

For me, the biggest impression that Cali has made in my life is the fact that her relationship with Christ is so real and so deep to her that when she sins, she is devastated. It breaks her heart to hurt Christ that way. Why don't I feel that way? When I sin, most of the time I don't even acknowledge it to Christ, nor do I allow Him the ability to forgive me the way He so desires. I long to have that childlike faith. To be so close to Him, to hear His voice of conviction when I hurt Him, to speak to Him with humble words saying, "Jesus, please forgive me," and to feel that release of sin that frees me to be close to Him again.