Will I Still Go To Heaven?

Ever since Cali has invited Jesus into her heart, one question has been plaguing her... "will I still go to Heaven?" Last night Greg and I went upstairs to put her to bed and found her hiding in the bonus room, crying. After coaxing her out of her safe spot, she looked at us and said, I was just asking God for forgiveness. I was so proud of her and the fact that she did this on her own. You see, the last few weeks have been some of deep thought and conversation in our household. I know I haven't written much here lately, but I'll try to lay out some of the coolest stuff I've ever witnessed as a parent...

When Cali began Kindergarten she received a devotion Bible from church. Greg had recently begun to do these devos with her at night before bed. One night, as he was putting Levi to bed, I had the privilege of walking her through Day 8. The topic was about living with Christ in your heart and the eternal life you receive when we believe in Him. As we began to talk about that she began to tear up and get sad. I asked her why she was upset and she told me that she didn't know if Jesus was in her heart. I asked her why that made her sad and she said, "because He's my best friend and I want to go to Heaven." Some deep thoughts for a 5 year old. I was witnessing her begin the purest and simplest connection to the Gospel and I knew that she understood it. Greg came down and we were able to lead our daughter in inviting Jesus into her heart. What an exciting moment, one I will never forget!

A few days later as I was tucking her into bed, she looked at me and with sorrow in her eyes said, "mommy, I made 2 bad choices since I invited Jesus into my heart." I asked her what she did and she talked about being mean to Levi. I giggled inside and then proceeded to explain to her that even though Jesus is in our hearts, we are not perfect because He is the only one who is. And the awesome part about having Jesus in your heart was the fact that when we make bad choices (sin) we can ask Him for forgiveness and He forgives us. But the coolest part is that He forgets it too! So it is like we never sinned. We got to discuss what that meant and how that happened (because Christ died on the cross so we didn't have to) and then she prayed for forgiveness.

Which leads me to last night... she knew she had sinned and then asked for forgiveness. But the most enlightening part to me about all that was her question to me after she said she had just been praying. She asked me through tears, "will I still go to Heaven?" She has been plagued with the thought that even though she asked Jesus into her heart, when she continues to make bad choices, she may not be saved. We talked about the fact that He never leaves us once He's there and that even though we still make bad choices, He will forgive us when we ask.

For me, the biggest impression that Cali has made in my life is the fact that her relationship with Christ is so real and so deep to her that when she sins, she is devastated. It breaks her heart to hurt Christ that way. Why don't I feel that way? When I sin, most of the time I don't even acknowledge it to Christ, nor do I allow Him the ability to forgive me the way He so desires. I long to have that childlike faith. To be so close to Him, to hear His voice of conviction when I hurt Him, to speak to Him with humble words saying, "Jesus, please forgive me," and to feel that release of sin that frees me to be close to Him again.

The Physical vs. Eternal Life

     After struggling the past three months to put into words all that God has placed on my heart, I have come to the conclusion that what I write here does not have to be perfectly written or even make sense. I write to share our many household conversations with and about God.
     Lately I've had many conversations with God about what is happening in our country. As I dwell on the things I read on Facebook and Twitter, or even those I see on the news in the evenings, I feel more and more anxious and angry about what is happening around me. I lose sleep at night wondering how I can stop the injustices and the, I'll just say it, evil that occurs daily in our country, states and even cities. Tonight was one of those nights. After reading a post on Facebook of a political nature I sat here and wanted to scream. My heart starts to beat so fast and I can't stop my head from trying to grapple the person's point. I know many people probably say the same thing about me and my "political" beliefs, but my beliefs stem from my faith. And there is no way to separate my beliefs from my faith.
Luckily, because I knew if I went to bed I'd toss and turn for hours, as I was searching on the computer for something to take my mind off of what I read, I stumbled across a dear friend's blog and began reading her newest post from today. Here she writes about her family's journey in adopting a little girl from Ethiopia.
     Yesterday they travelled over 13.5 hours and this morning got to actually meet their sweet little girl. Just reading about her day and her thoughts about this journey so far brought me to tears. One of their prayer requests is that Satan be bound because he does not want her to be adopted into a Christ following family. What a thought. Here I am so pumped up about a stupid political jab toward those believing like me, and at the same time my dear friend is across the world meeting a little girl that she could bring home in 2 months to raise freely in a Christian home, with biblical values and teaching. Praise the Lord for that opportunity.
     So often I feel like I am being ridiculed and persecuted for my Christian faith and beliefs, and yet I truly do not know what it is to be persecuted. A political jab here or there, a new law or bill that comes into effect, or even my own guilt if I am not being "politically correct" in acceptance over an issue. All of those are so superficial and yet I get fired up and can't sleep at night because I feel set apart from those around me who may believe differently. Heaven forbid I truly face deep persecution. What would my stance be in that instance?
     We are so wrapped up in our American bubble that we forget, or sometimes do not even know, about those that live only 13.5 hours away. Those people who are truly facing persecution, even to death, for their Christian faiths and beliefs. Hundreds of thousands of people are fighting for their physical lives because they have saved their eternal one.
     Scripture does not promise an easy life as a Christian. It actually promises persecution. As I've studied Paul's life this year I am reminded of what it truly means to be in the world and not of it. Jesus says in Acts 9:15-16 that "he (Paul) is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how MUCH HE MUST SUFFER FOR THE SAKE OF MY NAME." And Paul surely did... imprisonment, forty lashes less one, beaten with rods, stoned, shipwrecked, robbed, mobbed, sleepless nights, hunger, thirst, cold, nakedness, pressure from believers and non-believers alike (2 Cor. 11) until he was finally put to death. And yet through all of it, he continued the race to spread the Word of God throughout the land. So often I sit back in my comfortable life and think how lucky we are that those persecutions are not occurring today. But yet in reality, they happen every day, and only a plane ride away.
     So should I fear what is happening here in this country? I believe yes and no. I should do my best to learn what is happening here around me so that I can be prayerful and strong in my faith to combat the workings of Satan here in our own powerful country. But I also need to be thankful for my comfortable home and life and remember to pray for those only a puddle jump away who are running in fear for their lives, yet like Paul, not giving up in the hope of an eternity with a God who loves them and has called them to be instruments for him. I can only hope to know the courage and passion for the Lord that those faithful followers hold onto every day.

One last thought...
     Many a time before having children I had the thought that I didn't want to bring them into this world. The ugliness, hurt and pain that they might come across in their life, why would I do that to them? But I'm so thankful I did. Because deep down I believe that God will call them to be His instruments in this world to carry His name before the Gentiles, kings and children of Israel. And as much as it pains me to know that persecution is promised to those who follow after Him, the fact they will live eternally with Him if they choose to know Him overflows my heart with joy. And it is with that joy that I will be able to sleep peacefully tonight.

Are You a Product of Your Environment?

After spending the holidays with my family I came home realizing something... that I am very much like my mom and dad. Is that good or bad, you might ask? Well, I guess that depends on if you like my mom and dad. All I know is that as I've grown older, I see that much of who I've become is a product of the environment I grew up in. Luckily, that environment was a happy, loving and safe one. But now that I am grown and reflect on where I've come from, I realize that the environment I create here at home is where my very own children will become products of their environment.
As I begin this new year, 2012, God has put it on my heart to create a home environment that is fully created with God's love and provision, stability and safety. I pray my children will know God and seek a relationship with Him. I pray that they feel loved and cared for and safe in our home. I pray that Greg and I can be uplifting and sensitive to each other and our children. As we create and live in a Godly environment, I know that not only my children, but my husband and I, will all become products of our environment. May God bless you this New Year and may you reflect on your environment and how to create one that you desire to be a product of.

The Poor, Rich Man

When Greg was tucking Cali into bed the other night they read the story of the Poor, Rich Man. This man was very rich, but had no real relationships. While alive he kept a tight hold on his possessions and did not have compassion on anyone needing anything. When this man died, no one even cried, but instead the poor came and divided his clothes among them. In life, this man was selfish, but in death, others benefitted from him.

After reading the story, Greg asked Cali if she knew what "rich" meant. She said no and so he went on to explain that it meant you have a lot of money and things. Cali asked if he knew anyone who was rich and smiling, he said yes. She asked who, and he deterred her by asking her if she knew what "poor" meant. She said no and he went on to explain that there are people in the world who have little to no money.
After thinking on this, she told her daddy that we should take a trip to meet some poor people and give them some of our money. He smiled and told her that yes, we will have to do that soon.

This conversation makes me smile. Especially in our current job transition, little money coming in, and Greg and I wondering how we will pay our bills and praying daily that God continues to provide for us. In the midst of my feeling "poor," my daughter's perspective reminds me just how "rich" we are. Living where we do, participating in all we do, eating, drinking, wearing what we do... we are so rich in fact, that we have much to spare. Cali's recognition of all that we DO have and her desire to go out into the world to share it with others is just another glimpse of how God is using her as a light to not only this world, but to me as well.

Who Will Be There With Us?

While driving in the car a few months ago, I heard a little voice from the backseat ask me if Taylor and Lucas (her closest friends) would be in Heaven with her. I smiled, as Heaven seems to be something that Cali thinks about often, and thought for a minute about how to respond. How do you explain the whole story of salvation to a 4 year old? Do you talk about sin? Do you talk about the crucifixion? What stood out in my mind most at that time was these verses from Luke 13:25-27.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’


I finally answered her, saying that yes, they would be there as long as they had a relationship with Jesus. Her response to that was eye opening. She said, "Mommy, then we need to pray right now that Taylor and Lucas have a relationship with Jesus." I told her that she could go ahead and do it, but she wanted me to instead. Right there, in the car, we prayed for her closest friends to know Jesus and have a relationship with Him one day soon.

I am always amazed at how little moments in life always seems to connect with each other. Fast forward to a week ago in my CBS group. We were discussing the Sanhedrin's actions towards Stephen in Acts 6-7. After his historical account of the Israelites, the Sanhedrin still did not believe that Jesus Christ was their Savior. Many people in my group thought this was because they were too prideful and resisted His grace. Some thought they believed He was the Savior but didn't want to give up their own control. One person brought up a point that none of us had ever really given too much thought to... "What if they REALLY didn't believe that He is the Savior? What if they were not stubborn, nor prideful, but really didn't think that He was the one?"

This reminded me of my trip to Israel 2 years ago and our experience with an actual Jewish priest. We were blessed to spend some time with this man who lives in Jerusalem and is a devout follower of Judaism. He welcomed us in to his bookstore and let us fire away with our own questions of history, religion, culture and even his belief of who Jesus was/is. What astounded me most, is the fact that he truly does not believe that Jesus was sent to be his Savior. He claims Jesus was a great man, who did wondrous things, but did not come to save the Israelites from the sinful nature of the world. This is not coming from a man who is a part of the Sanhedrin, who lived a couple thousand years ago, who lived before even the New Testament was written. Here was a man, living in the 21st century, who has full access to both the Old AND New Testaments, and still does NOT believe. He is not prideful, nor arrogant, but is so convinced that his Savior will be a knight in shining armor, who will ride in on his stallion and destroy all who get in the way of Israel. The saddest part about that day was my feeling of urgency that he know who Christ truly is. I left his bookstore with a defeat that only one could know when in the face of great opposition.

You might be wondering how all three of these experiences fit together. For me it is all about the power we have, as Christians, through prayer for those around us who do not know Christ. The urgency that Cali felt that day for her friends to have a relationship with Jesus is the same urgency I felt when leaving the Jewish bookstore. It is also the same urgency that Stephen felt to share his historical account for the Sanhedrin. It is the urgency you feel when someone you know doesn't know Christ and is about to come before their Creator and hear him say, "I never knew you." Who do you want to see in heaven? Who will be there with you? Pray for them with the same urgency that my daughter had that day for her friends... right now.

Asking For Prayer and Praying For Others

The other day I woke up feeling terrible. Cali came in my room, like she always does, happy and ready to go for the day. She climbed up on the bed and we started talking. I tried so hard to seem ok but that lasted all of two seconds. As we talked I told her I wasn't feeling well and that she needed to give mommy a few more minutes to sleep. She said sure, and as she started to leave to go play, I asked her to come back. I asked her to pray for me to feel better. She said sure and right then and there prayed for mommy to get healed. When she left I laid there with my eyes closed but couldn't sleep. I began to smile and think about how my four year old daughter had just prayed for her mommy so willingly and without reservation. It wasn't the words she said, but her actions that made my heart happy. 

So often when people ask for prayer we say sure, I'll pray for you, but then never do. Our intention is good, and we know that we should pray for one another, but I bet it rarely happens the way it should. We go off into our lives and push those requests into the back of our mind. The daily grind gets in the way and we tell ourselves that we will lift those requests up later. On the flip side, how many of us ask for prayer, knowing that others will truly pray for us. Many times I don't even bother with prayer requests, because I either don't want to be a burden on another, or I know that it won't be a priority in someone else's prayer life, so there is no point in bringing it up.

In 1 Timothy 2:1-4, Paul writes to Timothy, urging him that "requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone... that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." 

What if we, just for one day, actually spent time praying for all those people asking for prayer? What if we, for one day, actually asked people to pray for us in confidence that they would? How would, not only our lives, but our world be different?

Knowing that prayers and thanksgiving from us and for others not only brings peace, godliness and holiness, but also pleases God, why would we not want to pray for others? Why would we not want them to pray for us? Think about how many people might come to know Him through our prayers. How many people may be able to experience His glory when what they prayed for actually comes to fruition? And as a parent, how often do you give your children the opportunity to experience all that by asking them to pray for you?

I was able to sleep that morning for about another half an hour. When my eyes opened and my ears heard the joyous giggles coming from the other room, I sat up and realized that I actually felt better. Most of the time I'd say that it was from getting to sleep a little longer. But that morning, I know, that it was because I confidently asked for prayer and heard a sweet, little voice actually pray with confidence, for healing.

Unanswered Prayers... or are they?

Do you believe in unanswered prayers? I think that it makes for a great song, but that they do not exist. God desires a relationship with me, so why would He not answer my prayers? When my children ask me for something or to do something, I don't ignore them. That would make for a bad relationship with them and I know that eventually they wouldn't talk to me anymore. So why would a God who loves me and wants to know me ignore me? 


God always answers us, just in a way that we might not think. When He tells us yes, we are like a kid in a candy store. All is right with the world. When He tells us no, we are sad and disappointed, but we are able to eventually move on, knowing that He loves us and has a better plan for our lives. But what about those times that we don't have an answer? Is God listening? 


Matthew 6:8 says, "...God knows what you need before you even ask him." With that promise we can only believe that He is listening and that He has an answer for you. His answer might just be "WAIT". But why should we wait? If He is going to just say no to something, then why not do it right away? But who says He is going to say no? Sometimes He wants us to wait until we are ready for what it is we are truly looking for. 


"They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31


In times of waiting, God has a plan to strengthen you, to renew you, to prepare you for what it is you are asking. They say that hindsight is always better. Looking back on my life I can see why God has told me to wait numerous times. In waiting I have not only grown in my confidence in myself but in my dependance on Him and in my love for Him and His plan for me. After waiting, the response is always the same, whether or not I got a yes or no. I am blessed more than I would have been if God had opened or closed the door right away. 


I am thankful that I have a relationship with a God who is alive and loves me. A God who knows me and my desires. But most of all, I am thankful to know a God, The Only God, who always answers my prayers. Especially when He answers "wait".